Tony Kröger Meets Evelyn Waugh

Don’t let evil doers or slow walkers ruin your day. Keep your neighbor in sight at all times. A bottle of water will keep the doctor away. If you are pregnant, report this to your draft board. If you are not pregnant, you are probably not the right gender. Crying towels are available beneath your seat. Please dispose of properly. A straight back chair can cause disturbing dreams. There is no such thing as an accident. Place wet cement wherever you want. Drinking alcoholic beverages should be part of your daily routine. Walk on the sunny side of the street unless it is raining. Open the sluice gates if you want to fish for whales. Register at the front desk if you want to patrol the stairs or drive an elevator. If you find this note in a bottle, return the bottle to the place of purchase and fill your backpack with water. Pack your bags and grab your hat. We are going to the Pink Flag and Flame for a midnight snack. The next best thing is here. Remove superficial supervisors to superfluous storage. Storage is the story. Negligent negligees can be ignored. In case of fire, turn over and toast on the other side. There is a reason for that: sticky fingers. Find your myth and beat it to death. Keep a diary of all leaping lizards in your life. Do not call during working hours. Tuesday is best for emergency instructions. If you carry a gun, do not disturb. Already disturbed. Show proof of identity if you sit in front of a building. Do not climb a ladder if there are cats in the neighborhood. Climb hills slowly; there may be something over the next rise. Strong bodies build strong minds. Don’t even think of building a strange building. Watch your step as you enter strange rooms. There may be an artist under the floor. When on Madison Avenue, be careful of butterflies. Don’t talk to me until I have had my bagel. Call Eric or Joe. Nobody will answer. No sitting or writing in front of buildings. Conservatives please use back entrance beneath the skull and bones. Pretty women are available. Liberals will be liberally liberated. Philip your Glass with nicely iced Silvercup Twinkies. A moth-eaten shirt is better if you take it off. Pull up your socks. There is no access to the basement. 9000 ft.² of ground space for lease. If all else fails fall down. The sixth man will pick you up. Remember to pick up after your pet. There is no parking allowed anywhere. If your hair is white you can get a free hand wash at the restaurant. Follow the yellow sidewalk signs for gas and electricity. À tous les étages. Let’s go. Let’s go!